AMAZING NEWS !!! ...LOL

Scottsdale, AZ - Feb. 29, 2008 -- Taser released the following propaganda (gently edited for clarity and to remove the excess legalese gloop):

According to an article in the Vancouver Sun (27 Feb 2008), the RCMP are crediting the use of a taser for avoiding the use of deadly force late Monday in Kamloops. According to the article, RCMP officers faced an armed [knife?] and distraught man who stormed into a massage parlor threatening to kill a female employee. He repeatedly said he was going to harm himself and yelled at the RCMP officers to shoot him.

"Faced with the option of discharging their pistols or using a taser to subdue the distraught man, police opted to use the stun gun. One officer positioned himself to safely activate the taser and the man was subdued without injury or risk," said RCMP Staff Sergeant Grant Learned. ... It was reported that RMCP Constable Michelle Toews said the incident is textbook case of when a taser should be used since the other option constables had was to shoot the man. "If we hadn't had the taser we would have found ourselves in much more difficult circumstances," Toews said.


TRANSLATION: OH MY GOD!! It's AMAZING NEWS - a taser was actually used properly for once. Let's issue a fricking press release. Let's have a party. Let's have a cake. Yippie!! Someone actually used a taser to good effect. This is so unusual and so amazing that we will issue a fricking press release to celebrate the occasion. You certainly don't see stuff like this every day!

Your normal programming (illegal pain compliance, tasering children, tasering comatose diabetics, tasering drunk women, tasering mouthy speeders, tasering handcuffed prisoners) will resume shortly.


PS:

Incident on Monday 25th.
News on Wednesday 27th.
Press Release on Friday 29th.

Why did Taser wait those extra couple of days? It doesn't take two days to cut-and-paste a press release.

Well, I guess it would be extremely embarrassing if the distraught and tasered man died mysteriously a few days after being tasered, and after the smug press release hit the street.

One can almost imagine someone saying, "Late Monday eh? Okay, but wait until the end of the week, just to be safe. Release it on Friday AFTER checking the man's medical status."

UPDATE: 2008 March 03 - They've issued ANOTHER one. That makes two. At this rate they'll be celebrating dozens of perhaps-indisputably proper usages per year. LOL. Meanwhile the abuse and misuse continues - and they never issue a press release to distance themselves from obvious examples of misuse. These guys are such goofy little wieners that it makes me laugh.